Paleo experiments0

Trying hard to be positive

That was one of the resolutions this year. Replace the self-defeating negatives with positives.

It's hard today. It's really, really hard. I'm bombarded with how much I suck all day every day. Mr. L says I take things too personally. That when something blindsides me with sheer awfulness, it's not personal 99% of the time.

I imagine it's true. Hell, I imagine 99.9 % of the people who make me want to stab myself in the eye never think twice about me, but it sure makes me crazy to see a truly shitty human being fool a lot of otherwise good folks into believing their bullshit.

It also makes my heart hurt to see how much your average human being likes to watch other people being awful to one another.

I'm trying, but maybe I'm just naturally cynical and given to negative thoughts.

Some days it's just hard

Forgot I had this

I need to get back into the blog. *g*

I think I have more words than I thought

or something

woo

embracing the ridiculous

(and the dangerous and scary and all other things)

I once had a co-worker ask me what she should do when she visited San Antonio, as I had just been down there for EPIC, an electronic book convention.

I told her that my absolute must do was a carriage ride around downtown. They leave from just outside the Menger, across from the Alamo.

Her response? Oh, no. I couldn't do that. I would look ridiculous, wouldn't I?

Maybe it's because I have pink hair. Maybe it's because at heart I really am five. But if I can figure out how to do something without really offending someone (ie: ask the carriage driver how much without insulting him) then I'm not afraid of looking ridiculous to do something that lets me see stuff I want to see, and do things I want to do.

Without that carriage ride I would never have known about how the city of San Antonio turned down a multi-million dollar hotel deal because it would have cast a shadow on the Alamo. I would never have known about the carrier pigeons who used to transmit the high school football game scores to the newspaper Friday night so people could read them Saturday morning. And I never would have gotten to ride in a carriage pulled by a horse named Fred, who wore a Carmen Miranda-like blob of cherries on his hat...

In the name of the ridiculous, I have ridden camels, stood in front of a giant wooden penis in Barcelona and straddled a toddler's bouncy horse in a Mexican restaurant in South Carolina. I have been to dinosaur parks in Kentucky and weird caves in Colorado. I have bought pictures of myself whitewater rafting, where I look both terrified and exhilarated. I have played nickel slots for two hours on the same dollar to look at cowboys while they played poker.

Just thinking of all the things I would have missed out on for fear of looking ridiculous makes me sad. Try it. You might like it.

lest I seem like all I do is bitch

we have a new patio. We have grass in the back, which the dogs adore. We have a giant chicken. It's glorious. It's in the front yard with the daisies and the marigolds and the glorious agave

I have people who love me, enough food to eat, zumba and yoga and the amazing June to keep me working on being fit.

I have 2 bassets of immense joy, and the crazy granny pibble

I have friends and godkids and a beautiful niece.

I have my family. My dad and my brother and my S and L.

Hell, I have Liam Neeson as a god at the theater and the Sherlock Holmes movie on Blu-Ray. how can life be bad?

sigh

so how far do you have to bend over and let someone f*** you up the a$$ before you're "good people"? I'm sick to death of it. I think I'm going to go back to waiting tables

*insert gibberish*

my brains are leaking out my ears.

Send tim mcgraw tickets

toxicity

I have a slightly toxic liver.

All the years of sugar abuse, really. It gives me gout-like symptoms, and sometimes a little bit of chemically induced crazy. A lot of inflammation.

So I've been trying to detox, which of course means a sugar binge was unavoidable. I am the queen of doing opposite what I'm supposed to do

Anyway, that's actually kind of beside the point. The point is that the sugar detox has got me thinking of how I let things become toxic in my personal and professional life.

I dwell. I know it. I hold grudges. My mother used to stare at me and go, "Lorna, you give people too much credit for thought. Only you are that deep that you think about other people that much"

whether or not she was right, she was right that I need to learn to let go more.

*g* If anyone can just tell me how, I'll get right on that

balance

trying to find balance between work and play. I've been doing a lot more turning off the email after a certain point at night and doing arts and crafts or watching movies.

Guess what? I'm getting more done.

I know! It's amazing. Now to find balance between exercise and diet and total slubbery

Better

turns out a good bit of my crazy was PMS, which considering I started a week early, I can be forgiven for not seeing.

Working like mad. Trying to get shit done and feeling thwarted. I love that word. Thwart.

Cahoots. I've been cahooted...

I haven't really, I just love to sat that, too

okay, work work work

hey new year, ease up huh?

so day 4. Yesterday was kind of awful. Oh, not in that actual emergency way, but in that, my computer is messed up, I had a terrible allergic reaction to something, my mood made people run away way.

So, the not letting things get to me so much? Wow, hard. As always, it's really a matter of my own issues, not someone else's, but yesterday seemed like it was out to get me. I think I might need to go see Amy. I'll get back on my remedy first, for a week or two, see how it goes.

Went to Shawn and Larry's old UU church yesterday. First time I've stepped foot in a church service since the first Christmas Lori and I were roomies...

Everyone was lovely; the service was a little boring, but the ideas espoused in it ostensibly match up with everything I want to work toward. I have to admit, though, that it still made me hugely uncomfortable. Not so much that I won't give it the old college try, but it was church, with all of the attendant rituals, and that gives me an instinctive bad, bad, bad reaction.

Did my feet. Been sticking to the fruit and veggie thing in spirit, which means that iceberg lettuce has sometimes had to suffice as a veggie. Still, it's an improvement.

S got me the best present today! Bollywood shake classes. It looks very cool. It might kill me, considering my half hour foray into belly dance today was tough, man. Arms and hips all hurt. We shall see. ;)

Day 2

I did my feet yesterday, then promptly stepped on something in the garage, and tore a strip of skin off the bottom of one...

I managed the fruits and veggies, but it was harder than I thought

thinking a lot about prioritizing, and about relationships, and some of it is ... surprising

Happy New Year!

My resolutions this year are pretty simple

1) Take care of feet and legs daily to try and improve circulation
2) Drink more water
3) Let things get to me less
4) Eat a fruit or veggie at 75% of my mini meals
5) Do a freestanding shoulder stand in yoga
6) work toward idea financial goal


See? Pretty simple. Easy? I'm not so sure, as some of it isn't so quantifiable... We shall see

we're all mad here

or rather, sick as dogs.

Larry is the worst, having had a terrible impacted tooth and now a bad tummy

Shawn and I seem to be sharing a cold

on the good side I sent out the ugliest, coolest mixed media witch ornament last night. I should have taken pictures. Sigh. It's awful, and wonderful, and the person who gets it had better appreciate it :D

need sleep

up and ready to jog, but my sleep quality has gone way downhill. Even my nightly magnesium is not helping calm the racing mind. I keep having these very lucid very close to waking dreams. Argh

I have to get edits done that were due last month, and now I have an extra story that popped up. Yay.

Sighs. Some days I think I'm catching up and then boom.

On the good side, I have now jogged at the park (I ran for a total of 10 mins, but in 3 min and 90 second intervals, with 20 mins of walking), walked the dogs, bathed, and am ready to go get groceries.

Not bad for 11am

Running amok

went and got my hair did

shopped Michaels

dude, we can spend some money on stuff to make cards and miniatures and inchies

I got my first swap doolies today, and they were very neat. 2 sets of inchie art and a random package with a dishtowel to x stitch with a puppy booklet that has a basset pattern and a buttload of floss colors. It was very cool.

Well, I've been lagging on this post for hours. Time to go smother the basset

so much better today

I think it was the sugar. I mean, it's wrapped up in hormones (nods at B) and in my liver function which is iffy, but it doesn't seem that logical when you're in the midst of the meltdown.

Today I have done the couch to 5 K leg, walked the dogs, edited a short story, and packaged up book orders

I have also snuggled my dogs, pulled out my cashmere hoodie, which is 3 sizes too big this year, and found my little orange planner under my desk, which Sonny has eaten.

It has been brought to my attention that I neglected one basset member of the family, so here she is. My Sadie. She is not a motherfucking beagle. I intend to get her the t-shirt that says so.

completely overwhelmed today

feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control. I think I may be losing it. Weepy, whiny, and not terribly thrilled with myself. I have no idea what's going on, except that I went on a sugar bender yesterday, and now I feel like crap.

I'm just at this place where I feel like I'm always ten steps behind, literally and figuratively. I can't catch up, catch my breath, or get my head on straight.

tired but not bad

a little pooped. I think I have that bug that Larry has been hauling around the last 3-4 days

though coffee perked me up

Man, I need to get my shit together. I know I keep saying that, but I just seem to keep digging in and slogging and getting nowhere. What the heck does it take to get ahead? If S can't do it, there's no hope for me, right?

I miss the Goober. I was missing him today so bad. I love Sonny, and Sadie is ever and will always be my girl. But I miss Goober's face. It's been 6 months, which is just impossible to believe. Still, his memory makes me smile, and that's all we can ask, right?

Let it seem like all I am is down these days, I'm not. I just write about the bitchy stuff

Basset Origami

still alive

been pondering the blog as performance art versus the blog as a place to record thoughts.

Decided to say screw it and blog anyway


Basset hounds. I've been pondering that, too, since I started reading the Pioneer Woman. http://thepioneerwoman.com/

She has one. We have two, and have had a total of three. Bassets are challenging, but utterly rewarding dogs. This morning, Sadie is more of a challenge than a reward. We were out for several hours last night at the George Strait concert, and she's barky and needy today.

Obstinate dog.

Seconds later, she is sound asleep, having achieved her goal of moving her bubba out of her bed and convincing him to give up his rawhide.

Life would be so much simpler if everyone was that easy to please. From screaming harpy to sleeping, drooling contentment in 5.0 seconds