Tuesday, September 23, 2008

recovering etc

so, what I thought was gouty stuff was some kind of virus. Thank god, because once I got over it, I started to regain my sense of humor. Oh, I'm still irritable as hell, thanks to ye old smoking withdrawal, but that's more a what do I do with my hands/when I want to go away and have a break thing, now.

Grins. My mantra today is, "Same old assholes, same old ax being ground. It just doesn't matter." because it doesn't. ;)


my joints still hurt some.

and I'm telling you, some days I want to smack people ;)

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I know I'm being cryptic

mainly my worries are health related. All of this new eating plan, exercise shit I've been doing, all of the quitting smoking etc, is supposed to make me fell better. Instead I have new allergies, new sensitivities and what appears to be episodes of gout. If it's not gout, it sure does look like it. Swollen, hot joints, low grade fever, kidney aches, severely swollen lymph nodes...


I know there are worse things out there. Hell, I live with someone who has had the most painful non-fatal disease known to man. And every time I get weepy I tell myself to shut the fuck up, that I could be in a damp jail cell in some third world country waiting to die or some shit.


I'm bored now. Yeah. I feel better thanks to Aleve and pineapple, of all things. Not to mention judicious application of Weird Al. The Alternative Polka makes me cackle. It improves my mood vastly, makes me wonder why I'm being a butthead.

Woo. Go weird Al and walking the bassets


So, I dreamed last night that I was strapped to a table in a hospital or a lab, and there were all these faceless people picking at my skin with razor blades and scalpels.

Drama llama much?

I'm trying very hard to pull my socks up and get over myself, but it seems really hard this time.

I wish I had something better to say. Yesterday was hard.

I'm just going to have to trust that it gets better than this.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

okay, I quit

I've had it. I can't hack it anymore.

Any of it.

I mean, logically I know that nicotine withdrawal makes me a little crazed; as the neural stimulator/pleasure center effects of nicotine are withdrawn, the body feels depressed and deprived, kind of like the crash from a really good chocolate endorphin rush, only multiplied by eight or nine or five million zillion...

Logic doesn't enter into it when you've just given up the last thing that gave you any illicit pleasure. I've given up Diet Coke, sugar, fast food, pizza, big restaurant meals, and Snickers bars. I've discovered that I'm allergic to cashews and peanuts, and that my sugars stubbornly resist coming down past 300 unless I give up even more, like, oh, bread.

I'm so tired, I just want to crawl off somewhere and die. I'm completely overwhelmed, and I can't even blame that on someone else.

And today, thanks to the nicotine withdrawal, I can't stop crying hysterically, which means people in the house are avoiding me like the plague

I've had it.

I'm just going to run away to some cave and become a hermit

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

more fun with food, and other things


It's been a fun month or two with food, huh? Eating every two hours, fighting off the invisible ingredients in all manner of things. Do you have any idea how many things have high fructose corn syrup in them? What's worst for me is that now that I'm not eating all sorts of things, I'm developing weird sensitivities when they do sneak in. And some are not so sneaky. Like my sudden allergy to cashews.

Yep. Never bothered me until I ate the unroasted ones the other night. Man, they gave me the worst case of hives. Now if I come in contact with them? Boom. Hives. Snotty nose. I swear, it's enough to make you scream.

The dry roasted peanuts we usually buy? Have dried corn syrup in them. In the allergy info? May contain traces (which means they have found measurable traces) of wheat, milk, eggs, soy, cashews and pistachios.

Big, ugly jar of death