let's hope the rest of the year goes as it started

we had fireworks and splashing champagne, games and good food

my year was amazing

concerts and cruises, trade shows and cons. Road trips and rodeos. I had good friends, visits with family, and beautiful puppies

life pretty much rocks

once in awhile

things go incredibly right.

It was a Christmas of cookies and puppies, of playing games (Oh, y'all, I got this PBR bullrider tiddly winks game, where you fling bullriders off bulls' backs) and sitting around eating until I was so full I thought I'd burst.

Christmas eve we made a big old quadruple batch of cookie dough, then handed out the chips. Cappucino and chocolate, cherry chips and peppermint, white chocolate and peanut butter. We had toffee bits and caramel bits, nuts and maraschino cherries. Everyone made a batch of whatever struck their fancy, and man, the Bird hubby made some amazing combinations.

We went out to look at Christmas lights and there was a yard that was all done up *and* the lights flashed in time to an all Christmas radio station that you could tune to... Dude, he wins

Christmas morning there were presents and coffee, and I got magnetic poetry in romance, western and mystery. Now when I'm stuck for a story, I can go make random messes until something strikes. We had eggs and sausage and lazed about and just played. We had to make a late night run to the store, and it made me laugh and think about Robert Earl Keen (listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE4sg1ygTqg ) Hell, that whole song could be us...

All in all, it was the best Christmas in years ;) Happy New Year, y'all

rage, cookies, etc etc

I have a lot of rage lately. Not of the specific kind, just of the I hate the politics in the world way. Suffice to say, I think some folks have been very shabbily treated of late, by an organization that touts itself as promoting the one thing they mostly run down, and I figure at least one author deserves a serious apology...

bah

not to mention the spin expert who always makes it seem like someone sent an engraved invitation to do some amazing thing when it was the spin expert who made the call and asked to do it, then mis-represented...

Sigh

My problem is I hate games. I admit, I get defensive at the drop of a hat these days, because it seems like there's an agenda or not so well hidden criticism behind everything. There always seems to be, if not someone better at it than I am, then someone who is better at making other folks believe it, and it just makes my head throb.

On the good side, we made time for cookies last night. Peanut butter kiss cookies and snickerdoodles. Oh, y'all. Both so good

So, I guess I just need to get back to doing what I do and ignore what other people are saying/doing/acting like they do...

grins

rage

lalala

o.O

have edited 200000 words in 4 days...

have written 3000 ;)

have deadlines. Send coffee

we made rum balls and coffee balls to ship out yesterday. Today we will make more rum balls for the boy...

Man, I'm tired

Holdiay cookies

We've made m&m cookies and oatmeal raisin cinnamon chip. So far, so good.

Tonight we're making golden nuggets. They're in the oven now. This was my mom's favorite cookie that's kind of a candy, and I pulled out her yellowed old recipe card, neatly typed on an army typewriter. I haven't made them since she died, because only she and I liked them (I'm testing them out on the bird family). I got a little verklempt, but it also made me happy as hell just to share. They smell good already, and I can't wait to see if they come out like I remember.

My dad's favorites were always chocolate. It's funny, because he likes the chocolate chip cookies, the peanut butter bon bons and the fudge. Mom liked the oatmeal and the golden nuggets and the snickerdoodles. She was such a guy ;)

As far as I remember, the golden nuggets were one of Grandma Schrader's war rationing recipes, because it's all brown sugar and eggs and oil, not butter or white sugar.

So. Golden Nuggets

4 eggs
2 1/2 c brown sugar
1 cup oil
1 1/2 c flour
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
2 c nuts

Beat eggs well. Add in brown sugar and stir well. Add oil. Sift flour and salt together and add in. Stir in vanilla and nuts. Makes 2 13X9 pans (batter needs to be spread thinly) Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes, until golden brown. Sift powdered sugar over top while still warm.

adventures in holiday cooking

Shawn and I did Thanksgiving at her daddy's.

Grins. We made baked beans and squash casserole, sweet potatoes and layer salad. 3 pumpkin pies and a pecan pie. we did not set anything on fire, and her daddy did the ham out on the grill so the turkey could have the oven...

It was all yummy, and it all went fast

My dad went to the bros, and he said all went well, despite the SIL leaving the plastic on the turkey o.O

We have a list of cookies to make that's a mile long, but we figure on doing one a day...

keep an eye out for disasters and successes

I swear to god

the next person who tells me they don't know how we do it is going to die

London was awesome

it was fab to see A

got to see the inside of westminster and the tower and harrods

the British Museum is still my favorite part

all that coolness and it's free

the cruise n the thames was cool, too

lalala

some rodeo facts

Just in case someone wants to write accurate rodeo stuff

Cheyenne is the biggest outdoor rodeo in the US with a 3-4 hour long rodeo *every* day while it lasts. Day. Not night. Nighttime is reserved for concerts and PBR performances

The IHOP in Cheyenne closes at midnight. There is no nightlife there. The town has maybe 50000 people, and sits in the flat prairie north of Denver. There's nothing out there ;)

Denver is the biggest indoor dedicated rodeo arena in the US, while Fort Worth is the *oldest* indoor rodeo, and the biggest stock show. Houston probably has the biggest facility, but that's because it's held in a regular sports and entertainment arena.

There are major stock shows in Ft Worth (not Dallas) Houston and San Antonio, Denver, Rapid City SD, Phoenix, and many more. These are not the only rodeos around. They're just the big arenas. The stock show season tends to run from January to March, or September to October, when they're in conjunction with the major state fairs.

The small town rodeo season runs mainly from May through August, with most of them clustered around July 4. There's a difference between PRCA, ranch rodeo, youth rodeo, a Mexican rodeo and say, PBR.

Cowboys come in all shapes and sizes. They come from Brazil and Argentina, from Australia to Canada. In the US they come from Texas and Oklahoma, from Nebraska and Idaho and Montana, from California and Wyoming and Florida. New Mexico, Arizona. Colorado, Utah and Nevada. Hell, they can come from anywhere, but I've seen 2 in my whole life who came from New York ;)

Grins. It's frustrating for anyone to see their culture co-oped, I know. But it's even more frustrating when it's *wrong*

gearing up for the holidays

I'm not ready for all of the stores to be playing christmas music

for the last 6 years, I've had the dread when it came to christmas. My mom went into the hospital early in december 2001, and died 4 days after christmas. I just have a hard time, missing her. A few years I've traveled. A few I've been with friends when things went horribly wrong for them.

This year I hope for quiet, and despite my crazy schedule, I'm hoping for a handmade christmas. I know not everything will be, as I don't have time. But I'll try my best to get things made.

right now I need to puppy proof the house so the little boy and girl can come see me for a bit, and I need to catch up. I have data entry from hell to do O.O

ah

life

we have puppies

S got one and I got one. They're brother and sister, and would miss each other if we separated them, so for now it's shared custody. They'll spend part of their time at my house, part of their time at the bird house. They're bassets, one girl, Sadie, who's mine, one boy, Goober, who's heart belongs to S already ;) Well, and A. We really need to get the TQ compound. Then the dogs will all be lumped together in a pile...

Justin won the PBR finals. Bounces. And Guilherme did well. So woo hoo

I'm pooped, and I have a lot to do. I need to go home and ant proof and scrub before I take the dogs, but I've been lazy and hanging out at chez bird

feeling very gravity surge

blah

too early

had an ant explosion last night out in the garage and by the trashcan. Ack. Hosed them down, sprayed the garage, went to bed

there's a cold cold rain out there this am. And after less that 4 hours of sleep I'm not ready to face it. I think I need to go curl up and snooze just a wee bit more

I have to make a food run today, which is always fun in the changing weather ;) 90 yesterday, today we'll be lucky to make 70. **edit. it's 55 out there folks) The wind shifted down from the north, which means it's officially fall, and y'all can go ahead and laugh, those of you who are in the colder climes, but for us, it's a shock to the system ;)

Ponders a pancake run

Man, my water tastes nasty. Nasty nasty

Remind me to buy some bottled water at the store. It's been helping, that whole water thing, but it's not a natural thing for me ;)

blah

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

however, we did manage to re-write the Sound of Music to be the Sound of Zombies, with each song edited accordingly....

yawn

I need a late night wal mart run.

I do have a scarf half done, an edit half done, and a ton of shit to do...

the pork roast L did on the grill was stunning

my dad called to make sure I wasn't dead as I'm holing out here

lalala

so you think you can dance reruns rock

my head is going to explode

the weather is trying to be fall but it can't quite decide

my head is killing me

but I saw a blue heron today, I have chocolate, George Strait and Gordon Ramsey, and I have the bird family and dogs...

life is good

my boys

http://pbrnow.com/#release3462

It's time for a fangirl squee

My boy, Mike White, won Columbus! After getting tromped on in the first round. This man is the hard luck kid, and I am *tickled* to see him do well. I adore him, from his pretty blue-gray eyes to his amazing butt to his sweet, soft spoken ways that belie the devil in his eye when he smiles. Go Mighty Mike

and then!

Guilherme came in second, which makes me bounce, and he danced. Oh, the hips of Guilherme. Uhn

Paulo rode two, and he danced and picked Flint right up off the ground and made my eyes buggy when he was laughing with Guilherme

and then...

Justin McBride rode the bounty bull for a 93 point score. Scene of the Crash? Meet Justin. The man who can ride anything. Uhn

The best part? 2 weeks, baybee. I get to see them all in 2 weeks

sick as a dog and tired of defending myself

so sick we're skipping tim...

lord, what is the world coming to?

Maybe it's because I'm puking and running from the other end and my kidneys are backing up and my joints are so swollen I can hardly type, but I'm pissed off

really, deeply, tired of defending my life and my choices pissed off.

which means I need to go away from the net for the afternoon and put out some word count

after I drink another bottle of pepto

waves

later

pondering gratitude

so, the only downside to the whole Mexican vacation? The people. Oh, not the very happy and loving life Mexican folks, and not the majority of the resort guests. The people in our tour group.

They were nasty. They bitched constantly. If it wasn't that the concerts (note the *plural*) were too short, it was that the floors were wet (we were at the beach!) or that the only food available at 3am was hamburgers (they had a *24 Hour* hamburger stand, y'all!) or that the concert artists didn't want to *gasp* hang out with them and get blind drunk until all hours of the night.

Now. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I should have higher expectations or something.

But you know, when I can go to Mexico and hang out at the beach for 3 days, I'm HAPPY. I don't need to be entertained. I mean, God knows they had free entertainment out the wazoo, over and above our own private concerts. They had fire dancers and cheesy vegas style shows and huge pools and a private beach...

Hello!

What have people got to bitch about here?

We were talking about the sense of ownership and entitlement these fans had toward the artists, and about how creepy it made anything remotely meet and greet with the artists. Maybe it's because on a much smaller scale, I get that now, too, with people emailing me and demanding more of a story, or asking me to write something just for them. S0 maybe that's part of it. Maybe they just don't know that there is a line. You have a public eye job, you're giving up some of your privacy, I've never denied that. But it's still a job, and you should be able to get away from it to have supper or go to the bathroom ;)

I think I'll end on some good things...

I am no longer feeling like Montezuma hates me and wants revenge

I'm getting work done, slow but sure

I've been up before 9 two days in a row. Seeing as how I was insomnia girl before we left for vacation, going to bed at 2 and up at 8 is far better than bed at 5 up at 11 ;)

I have an appt to get new glasses. I want the same ones I have, as I love them, but I get to get sunglasses!

okay, back to work

mexico might be my new favorite thing

Well, all inclusive resort mexico, anyway. I didn't see a lot of anything else.

I slept for 3 days. Slept and ate and went to the swim up bar.

This was a good thing, as the constant bombardment lately had left me with a very bad case of "I quit"

admittedly, I am so far behind I will never die. But still, I'm working and I'm feeling better and I was up before 9, which tells me I've done good on the sleep. yay

I need to get my shit together ;)

but I'm working

lalala

pooped

send new kidneys

chocolate

cowboys who like girls like me. hey it's not that much of an oxymoron

or whatever

man i'm tired

night

another deadline missed, but it's done

and other things

today is natural disaster day on sci fi. New York city gets destroyed a lot...

I want a hamburger. I do not want to go get it. sighs

sick as a dog yesterday

today looks better so far

I'm still way behind and not hitting all of my deadlines, but all the data entry is done, my sugars are no longer exceeding the limit of my meter (you gotta hate it when that little screen reads "Hi") I did 3000 words yesterday. I'm not as queasy, and I have bullriding to look forward to this sunday...

There are things I need to address and I haven't. There are a ton of things I need to do. But I'm just glad that I feel better, and I'm taking it slow.

Some days I feel like I ought to apologize to the people who have known me a long while for being happy. It seems like the happier I am with life right now, the less they like me. My father, for instance, thinks Texas has made me low class and somehow, even though I'm no different than I always was, that it has changed me. I mean, he objects to the fact that I like Tim McGraw, for instance, and that hasn't changed in years, I've just gotten to go see the man more. He objects to flip flops, thinking they're kind of horrifying, and he maintains that I never wore them before. Well, in Colorado you get maybe 3 months to wear flip flops ;) I would like to point out, however, that ten years ago when I moved to CO, I was wearing Birk clogs with no socks in the winter, which is a very similar thing...

I know there are folks out there who object to me liking bullriding and rodeo. Not my dad, mind you, as he loves that, but for whatever reason, whether they erroneously assume it's animal cruelty (the only animal I've ever seen get hurt at a bull riding event? The cowboy) or whether they think it's a sport I only watch for the violence, I've had people tell me they think less of me for it.

Shrugs. Like I told my brother last night, when he was worrying about whether he'd done the right thing, quitting the part time job that had strung him along for 7 years with no promotion; there comes a time when you have to stop apologizing and stop blaming yourself and just say you've done the best you could. Sometimes it just is what it is.

So, you know, even though sometimes I feel like I ought to apologize, I'm not gonna. For the last ten years I've dealt with family members dying (from my namesake aunt to my dear friend's father to my mother), with roommates who offed themselves or who left me in the lurch just after I bought a house, with jobs that I hated and that gave me ulcers and with living where all of my friends seemed destined to leave, where I was so isolated that I kinda forgot how to interact with people and where someone touching me made me flinch.

So yeah. Apologizing for doing what I love with family and friends who love me?

So not gonna happen

stuff of joy

chocolate chp cookies and japanese steak houses

new guidebooks

halloween crafts

penguin needlepoints

borrowed dogs

really bad horror novels

Anthony Bourdain books

Shaun of the Dead

I need a dog

I was napping at the bird family's house today, and the Shadow puppy sneaked in and gave me a cuddle pounce, napping with me happily, curled up nose to tail against my hip

It's amazing, how lately I haven't been sleeping for shit. When I lie down, my mind races with all of the things I need to to, all of the things I'm behind on, how I want to rearrange my house

When that silly shepardoodle came in and put his nose on my leg, though, I just knew it would all be all right, and that I could make it through.

Yeah. I definitely need one of my own...

tired

tired of writing. I've done 8000 words in 2 days while keeping up with the day job.

tired of negotiating. I'm not one who sees everything as a challenge, as something to be dissected, and my momma always told me life wasn't fair. The expectation that all things have to be argued instead of accepted exhausts me. And someone looking at me and saying, "You can't expect me to do blah" makes my head explode. Why not, when whoever you are, you expect me to drop everything to do for you...

tired of the assumption that I don't work. I may always be behind, and I may be scattered, but I work harder than I play, believe it or not

on the good side, we've had a couple of fun food days, and I have trent and tim to look froward to... not to mention cowboys. O.O

Justin won his *8th* event, and Fox fucked up and didn't show it when they were supposed to, and I MISSED IT. *pouts mightily*

asking for help and other nightmares

I'm not given to asking for help.

I don't like it, not because I think it weakens me, but because I just hate dealing with people and would rather look shit up myself/do it myself/not bother someone.

Last night I finally gave in and asked for help.

I'd like to say that it eased my mind, but it didn't.

I tossed and turned all night and couldn't sleep.

I know what I need to do. And I started on the path to doing it. But it scares me silly.

On the other side, I also reached out a little, admitting that I've been losing touch with someone, which felt good. That wasn't what kept me awake ;)

I'm not good at going outside my comfort zone, which I know seems odd, considering.

In other news, I want a KitchenAid mixer...

lol

and here we thought we never rated a mention. Check out the redneck fairies

http://www.romantictimes.com/news_conv07e.php

amok amok amok

ahhhhh

runs in circles and flails

thank god there's bullriding friday

a little food rhapsody

I had a cheap roast I needed to use up. So I cooked it until it fell apart, added some green chiles, some salsa, a little onion and cumin and a beer. Instant picadillo. Uhn. I'm putting it over cornbread and a side of ranch style beans.

Uhn

comfort food, New Mexico and Texas style

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I should be pleased. I wrote. I have an alligator cd holder. (No, not skin. A stuffed alligator whose mouth opens and has cd sleeves in it.) I made supper instead of going out, go me. I started a new recipe book.

I just need to get past the negative shit.

I do

see me

swimming

hormones

as I get older, they get worse. I get very sensitive to insult.

The worst thing you can do? Condescend to me. Especially in that supposedly cutesy and joking tone, mmm'kay? Winking and wiggling while telling me you don't think I know what I'm doing makes me blind with rage. I hate to be wrong, but I will admit when I am. When I am not and you try to make me feel like a fool? I will rip you a new asshole. Or just never work with you again, if I have nothing invested in you. Luckily for me, I can choose the latter here.

My dad is off to MN again today. He woke me up at 6:30 to say goodbye, which I told him to, but man it made me wonky. I went to bed about 2:30, and even I need more sleep than that. Okay, some folks would say a lot more ;)

Hrm. What's my good thing for today? We had Greek night over the weekend. Made tzatziki and baklava and figured out how to make the tomato spread from Angeli on Decatur in NOLA. We made hummus and dolmas and spanakopita and meatballs. The best part was how we all worked together to get it done, even when Mr L wasn't feeling fab.

Next week? Brazilian night. I need to find a dessert...

now that I have snarled

I need to remember the good that it is to be me

I have my own company. This allows people to bitch at me, yes, but it allows me to go see bullriding at will and to do what I love and to see tim and and and

I am a bullrider fangirl. There. I said it. But when faced with this http://www.csarodeo.com/scott/index.cfm

how could I not be?

I mean. Look at Guilherme's arms. Jesus. And he's not even the prettiest of my obsessions. Don't tell me he's too hairy. Don't harsh my mellow. I *like* the fuzz

then there's the writing

Yes, I am having a slump. Yes, people have been more critical than happy of late. But I get to make a living making fantasy. Creating worlds. It doesn't get any better than that.

And hey, it lets me go to the zoo and see humping rhinos

And a certain rodeo clown in his boxer briefs

a certain bullrider coming down an escalator with his leg propped on the rail, making his jeans strrreeeeetch

I have a house, a car of cuteness, an old car that needs some love, the best friends on earth, books aplenty and lots of rodeo and fair food

life is good

I need reminding sometimes, is all

and chocolate

having one of those days

where nothing I do or say is right.

I know that I am culpable, mainly for letting people get to me

but what offends me is someone who takes their psychosis out on me. I don't have the same issues you do. Is that my fault? Is it reason to try to make me feel like I don't know what I'm talking about? Especially when it's clear that I have no ulterior motives. I mean, really, why do people think they need to impose their guilt on other folks?

Guilt is overrated, y'all.

So is pressing your agenda when there's no need to

I'm going away for the weekend

thank god

the internet is too damned much like high school. and I gave that up 20 years ago

am I a weenie?

sure I am. I hate calling people. I hate asking to do things for me, even if they're getting paid to do it.

I hate HVAC units. I want my swamp cooler back. Sadly it won't work here, but I could do maintenance on that myself, lalala

how can my printer be out of ink already? I need to get the laser printer hooked up. But there's this whole fax machine thing and where do I put that thing...

yeah

Anyway, my wrist is killing me and I want chocolate

send help

a little panic a little tingle

my feet are really numb and gross

I can't seem to get past the work panic... just paddling to stay afloat

got to see tim. Jesus that man is beautimous

have muses going O.O hi, me, hey, how you doing?

not the muses I need to be writing

ack

what does age *feel* like, anyway

and other ponderables

I was watching some mind numbing ten years younger makeover show, and there's this woman who's 42, and everyone thinks she's 48. She starts crying. "I don't *feel* 48"

Uh. Okay, really. What makes 48 all that different from 42? I know 37 doesn't feel all that different from 30, except I'm grumpier and more tired... It's like my dad. He's 75. Everyone but me tells him he doesn't look it or act it. And he says, what's 75 supposed to be? Shrugs

Then there's the whole rampant and unnecessary curiosity thing. Oh, it's human nature. I have it to some extent, though as I age, I find I care less about what other people are doing in a serious way, and am content to see what they do on the street...

I suppose it bothers me most in context of the business. I don't see why it's anyone's affair what we do internally. And I don't mean anything that applies to an author wanting to know about their stuff, but instead people who aren't affiliated with the business asking folks who are for information they really have no need of. Despite my library background, I *don't* feel like just because they ask that they need to know...

On the good side, there's very little that bacon and honey biscuits can't make better ;)

a litte sigh

So my brother and I had a weird talk last night, and it has me thinking about entitlement.

It's a theme for me, what with my job and all, and I got to thinking, which is always bad.

So.

Instead I give you good things.

A clean office

Filed contracts

Tim Mcgraw

noisy, noisy muses

clothes

lalala

some days

it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

But then again, I don't get paid if I don't...

my feet are a mess

my house is a mess

I am working on both

go me

look

another journal.

yay

grins. But at least folks aren't looking for me over here...