metaphysics at 10 am before coffee

There is no charmed circle. There are only two points, which means we're a straight line. However, if we run around in circles, we can be a sphere...

for all the knitters out there

Knit your Bit for Veterans

I'm probably not good enough to make that scarf pattern yet, but I am good enough to make the Knit Your Bitty Bit squares, which are pretty simple. I definitely know I can crochet a fine scarf, though, so it's something to think on ;)

cell phone cozy

shawn learned how to do a basic stockinette stitch! She made me a cell phone cozy. The pic is a little blurry, but that's my bad.

good and bad

good - cold front

bad - sore joints

good - skinny knitted scarf is now 9 inches long

bad - not anywhere close to meeting my writing deadline

good - 3000 words today

bad - puppies think yarn is chew toy

good - watching Sadie try to trade me her chicken toy for said yarn

huh

we end with good ;)

okay, lest y'all think life is all bad

It's not.

I've always been a frustration blogger. Back before weblogs, I kept paper diaries, filled with you done me wrong rambles, from pre-teen to college. I tend not to post about the good things, because when I'm happy I have no need to vent, right?

Still, it makes me a little uncomfortable to read my own damned blog sometimes, because really, I come off as the kind of unhappy harpy that I accuse other folks of being...

Unhappy harpy makes a great sound when spoken aloud. Say it 3 times fast...

So, what all is good today?

Had lunch with Myc, had a nap, some arepas, snuggling with bassets, went to the craft store and bought amazing yarn, got some word count in.

to quote a reall bad Kevin Costner movie...

Where does this intolerable hatred of me come from? Did I wrong you in another life?

Of course, unlike the bastard Will Scarlet to the American accented Robin Hood, I have to no relationship with the hater, real or imagined. Well, at least not in my life. Apparently in their world, me and mine represent all that it is evil, engendering a loathing so fierce that when people are ready to let it slide back into the muddy stinkhole from which it emerged, they have to stir it up again. It's the same old song, every time, which is not only untrue, it creates a vicious cycle, where if you publicly contest it, you're a defensive liar, and if you say nothing, well then, they must be right, right?

So, sometimes I have to look at the two people at whom even the worst of our detractors are starting to look and tilt their heads and say, huh, how come it's always the same people and the same story? I don't know you. If I did, I wouldn't have the time of day for you, as you're obviously terribly unhappy. As far as I know, I didn't even know you back in the day before all this started. So, um, how can you hate me?

Most days I can let it go. Most days I do, because y'all have no idea how much we have to deal with every day. Today it's harder, because I'm reminded that it's not just the haters that buy into the downright bullshit. It's people I know, people I have broken bread with, people who have done more harm trying to "help" than they can ever know. That's when it's the toughest to let it go, when it all piles on top of that one person who ought to know better.

I'm trying hard to find positive, and right now that positive is that despite the assholes, despite the sucktastic economy, and despite the people who claim we never show any growth, I'm paying more authors more money than any previous quarter, we're getting reviews from places like the ALA newsletter and we're hiring more editors and proofers to improve all the time.

*puts on a Halloween movie and sits down to write* time to get back to work

a case of unrelenting improvement

went to bed at midnight last night. Puppies got me up at 6:30

oh, y'all. Six and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep.

You have no idea. The period she is almost over, which I'm sure helps, and I only napped for an hour and a half yesterday, trying to wear myself out. Dude. I also found something guaranteed to make me sleep...

Knitting

We went to a class last night, ostensibly to meet people, as this was sort of a cool, tattoo-loving rockabilly craft shop called Craft-O-Rama. I had never tried knitting, S has with little success.

well, the shop was cool, the instructor nice, if 15 years younger than us, but we were the only two who showed, so... so much for meeting people.

S had no more luck than before. She kept adding stitches as she turned, which I think is a product of bein left handed. Any lefties out there who can help her? I did okay, if not pretty work, and I admit, I don't love it like I do crochet or X stitch. But man, it puts me RIGHT to sleep. Who in hell needs antidepressants or sleeping pills when they can knit. Knit one, perl...zzzzzzzzz

Man, Sadie is deep throating her rawhide. Gag

grins. man, it's just amazing to have slept...

Insomnia round 2345

Here I am at 8 am and I haven't been to bed yet. I've tried. I really have. I've also done data entry, written, and edited.

Sigh

It's not like I'm not sleeping. I slept half the day yesterday, sleeping off the dizziness and quease, the swollen lymph nodes and the bad kidneys. I know it's a vicious cycle. sleep from 1-6 during the day, don't sleep at night... But if that's when my body lets me, I have to sleep sometime, right?

I just want to get back to normal, where the dark and quiet don't seem to be triggers for doubt and self-deprecation and worry

ah sleep, how I miss you

somehow my schedule is all wonky. Part of it is my hormonal insomnia, which I have come to know and loathe. Part of it seems to be how behind I am. I can't fall asleep until I'm absolutely exhausted, which is happening at like, noon...

I made it to sleep around 8 am, and the puppies woke me at 9:05

I'm waiting for someone else to get up to watch them before I go back to bed. They're old enough now to be on their own, mostly, but they do still get bored and chew...

blinks slow. twenty minutes it's taken me to write this much.

I desperately want to go back to bed. Ponders luring the puppies in with biscuits and holding them down until they sleep

Okay, they're napping now, but dare I fall asleep at this point? hello? is anyone alive, or have zombies eaten everyone but me and the dogs?

the definition of irony

is when a bunch of people have something done to them that they've demanded to have happen to someone else, and then they bitch about it. Right or wrong (on the having done to them, not on the demanding it done, which was wrong to start with) it still makes me laugh hysterically, which is probably bad for my karma, but then, I believe in toxic design. If you're intent on making other people miserable? Don't piss and moan when it happens to you.

/me goes to pet the basset hounds. There is nothing toxic in the design of a dog