Wednesday, September 26, 2007

sick as a dog yesterday

today looks better so far

I'm still way behind and not hitting all of my deadlines, but all the data entry is done, my sugars are no longer exceeding the limit of my meter (you gotta hate it when that little screen reads "Hi") I did 3000 words yesterday. I'm not as queasy, and I have bullriding to look forward to this sunday...

There are things I need to address and I haven't. There are a ton of things I need to do. But I'm just glad that I feel better, and I'm taking it slow.

Some days I feel like I ought to apologize to the people who have known me a long while for being happy. It seems like the happier I am with life right now, the less they like me. My father, for instance, thinks Texas has made me low class and somehow, even though I'm no different than I always was, that it has changed me. I mean, he objects to the fact that I like Tim McGraw, for instance, and that hasn't changed in years, I've just gotten to go see the man more. He objects to flip flops, thinking they're kind of horrifying, and he maintains that I never wore them before. Well, in Colorado you get maybe 3 months to wear flip flops ;) I would like to point out, however, that ten years ago when I moved to CO, I was wearing Birk clogs with no socks in the winter, which is a very similar thing...

I know there are folks out there who object to me liking bullriding and rodeo. Not my dad, mind you, as he loves that, but for whatever reason, whether they erroneously assume it's animal cruelty (the only animal I've ever seen get hurt at a bull riding event? The cowboy) or whether they think it's a sport I only watch for the violence, I've had people tell me they think less of me for it.

Shrugs. Like I told my brother last night, when he was worrying about whether he'd done the right thing, quitting the part time job that had strung him along for 7 years with no promotion; there comes a time when you have to stop apologizing and stop blaming yourself and just say you've done the best you could. Sometimes it just is what it is.

So, you know, even though sometimes I feel like I ought to apologize, I'm not gonna. For the last ten years I've dealt with family members dying (from my namesake aunt to my dear friend's father to my mother), with roommates who offed themselves or who left me in the lurch just after I bought a house, with jobs that I hated and that gave me ulcers and with living where all of my friends seemed destined to leave, where I was so isolated that I kinda forgot how to interact with people and where someone touching me made me flinch.

So yeah. Apologizing for doing what I love with family and friends who love me?

So not gonna happen

2 comments:

Jean said...

All I can seem to do is admire you for doing something you love with people you love.

With no small amount of jealousy. ;-)

Alex Draven said...

Curse you for not wearing flip flops in the snow, and deceiving people by hiding your flip-flop-wearing tendencies! ;p

Happy is good, in my book.